Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Speaking of...

I can't narrow down this blog post to one topic, so I thought I'd share some thoughts with y'all.

1. Today is Halloween. I've never been a big fan of Halloween, but I am a big fan of cute kids in cute costumes. Here are my wonderful nephews decked out in their Halloween outfits.

2. Speaking of nephews, I have a short Cash story to tell. He recently has started talking up a storm, and loves to prattle on about random topics. Last week, I was buckling him in his car seat, while he talked to me about a bush that had been removed by my fence. Once I had him in and ready to go, I said my goodbyes, and he said, "Aunt Enny, I not done talking to you yet." It was adorable.

3. Speaking of adorable, I've been having so much fun shooting photos lately. I absolutely love autumn photo shoots, and I love adorable senior girls. Here's a quick sneak peek from this past weekend's session. The second one looks like the cover to a Christmas album.

4. Speaking of Christmas, my cousins and I busted out the Christmas tunes this past weekend while we were making her Halloween costume. Does that make us pathetic?

5. Speaking of cousins, I did a photo shoot of them too. It was a surprise for their Momma. Here's one of my favorites. I love the backlight on their hair. 

6. Speaking of hair, last night I had a very deep discussion with three of my favorite people about my great hair debate. They all thought that I should cut it. So I asked my friend, Steven, on Facebook chat, and he said to cut it. So I asked my Momma, and she isn't so sure. So I asked Beth, and she was torn, but then convinced that I should cut it. So I asked Gpa, and he said not to cut it. Maybe I should stop asking people, and just make the decision for myself.

7. Speaking of Gpa, tonight I realized that he is actually pretty good at Wheel of Fortune. I've decided that they need to do a grandparents week, so he and I can go on together. The trouble is, he has to figure the puzzle by saying it out loud over and over, so that might not work so well.

8. Speaking of wells, today I was teaching a lesson about quick breads in FACS (Family and Consumer Sciences, a.k.a. Home Ec). One of the steps was to create a well in the dry ingredients, for the wet ingredients to be poured into. After I was done explaining this, one of the students spoke up and said, "Miss Collier, what does a whale have to do with baking?" Apparently, I don't say the word well correctly.

9. Speaking of baking, it's pie season, which means life is good. If I had my way, I would stay home all day and bake. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no desire to open a bakery. I simply want to stay home and make my house smell like pie. It wouldn't hurt if there were some little ones running around while I stayed home.

10. Speaking of little ones, did I mention how cute my nephews were in their Halloween costumes tonight?


Thursday, October 25, 2012

Thankful Thursday!

  • Jackets - The cold weather is here, and I'm forever grateful for cute warm weather clothes and jackets. While we're at it, I should add gloves for my eternally chilly hands to the list.
  • Vacuums - Tonight I vacuumed my car, which reminded me of the greatness of vacuums. Seriously, think about it, people. 100 years ago, vacuums weren't part of the day to day life. Now if Kody has been laying in front of my couch to the point the rug is the same color as his fur, I grab a vacuum. If my car looks like an episode of hoarders, I just get out a vacuum (and take the time to empty all the junk that has accumulated.) They're wonderful. Although I definitely should use them way more than I do.
  • Family - This weekend I got to go on a road trip with my family. I'm so blessed to have them all in my life. We laughed at Momma while she took a personality test, rocked a baby while he fought sleep, and entertained a toddler for hours upon hours. It was perfect.
  • Camera Phones - Remember when we used to have to carry a camera with us everywhere? Or when we used to drop a canister of film off at Wal-mart to get it developed? Now we just use our phone. It's really quite crazy when you think about it. Although, I still get a lot of my photos printed because I like to have them in print. Call me old fashioned.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Another Gpa Story

This story is a little over due. It's from mid-September, but it made me laugh so much that I need to share it.

 At dinner one night, we were talking to my Gpa about his recent cataract surgery, and his need to schedule one for his left eye. 
He said, "I figured out that if I have my cataract surgery the Friday before Labor Day, I won't have to miss any days of substituting."
We all started laughing and said, "Labor Day was 2 weeks ago, Grandpa" 
He got a really perplexed look on his face,  then he pulls out this notecard.

He said, "Well I looked at the calendar today, and wrote it down right here."
Which made us laugh even more because he thought that since he had written it down, it was reality.
After getting tickled at him for a few more minutes, we figured out that he still thought it was August.
It takes all of us to keep him straight.

In other news, Gpa no longer wears glasses. Here is his new look.

Also tonight, Cash walked over to Gpa and said, "Your belly makes a good pillow."


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A few of my favorite things...

I absolutely love making lists. When I was bored in college, I would make lists in the margins of my notes. They were quite random. Every now and then, I made practical lists like grocery items or assignments I needed to finish. Usually, they were ridiculous lists such as prioritizing months or letters by my favorite (October and "J" were always at the top). I would make a game of listing as many words as I could think of that started with "Th" or "Re". The best list was, and is, "My Favorite Things." It's pretty simple. I just make a list of things that are my favorite at the moment. It's very Julie Andrews of me. Here is what I'm loving right now...

1. Constantly changing weather
2. Making potato soup
3. Getting to photograph my friends and their precious families
 4. Patterned socks
5. French Toast Oatmeal - Recipe coming soon
6. Sleeping babies

7. Walking to my grandma's house
8. Kids in costumes
9. Clean sheets
10. Sperry's shoes
11. Bubble gum
12. Road Trips
13. Kody Dog
14. The number 4
15. Blogging
16. Cowboy hats & boots
17. Nail polish
18. Sun flare in photos
19. All of my cousins in Arkansas that read my blog - that one's for you, Denise! ;) 
20. Lists that end on even numbers

Monday, October 22, 2012

Post Cards!

Tonight I got to talk on the phone with the amazing Kathleen, my college roommate, and I told her I was going to do a post card post tonight. So here it is, just for you, Kat. :)

I may or may not have almost gotten trapped in a pull out couch over the weekend. I don't want to talk about it.

Pretty is as Pretty Does

This is a blog post that I've been wanting to write for quite some time, but I can't ever quite find the right thing to say. But I'm having trouble sleeping, so I figure why not write it now?

The title of this blog is "Confessions of Jenny." I titled it that because I often write about things here that are just ideas I need to confess to the world. It's often easier for me to write about something rather than talk about it. (Although to be quite honest, talking isn't all that difficult for me.) I also think there is a lot of healing that comes from confessing. So here is tonight's confession: I struggle with feeling beautiful. I blame a lot of things on the way I look. So if a guy doesn't pursue me or if someone is rude to me, I assume it's because I'm ugly. When people tell me I'm pretty, I think they are just being nice.

I wrestle with myself all the time. Am I beautiful? Who is to tell me that I am? Who is to tell me that I'm not? If someone comments on an Instagram photo of me saying that I'm beautiful, does that mean I am? If I go all day looking my best, and no one notices, does that mean I'm not? And why is it so important for me to know whether or not I'm beautiful?

Growing up, these questions plagued me. As I have gotten older, I've gotten much more confident in who I am. I've also learned a lot about the meaning of beauty. It has changed from being solely about my outward appearance to something much different. The reason I'm making this confession tonight is because I know it is a typical insecurity for women, and I want to bring it out of hiding and shed the light of truth on it.

I'm reminded of a Beth Moore study I did a while back in which she stated, "It's tough being a woman in a world where beauty is a treatment." Ain't that the truth? Our world has a way of taking something wonderful and turning it into a process or goal that is unattainable. Society has a yard stick for beauty, and it's nearly impossible to measure up. We fall into a comparison trap. I look at my friends and think that I should be more like them. I look at photo shopped images and believe that it is reality. I see celebrities on TV and figure that is the way we are supposed to look. And I know I'm not the only one who thinks this. Every woman I have ever talked to has this same battle. They can all make the same confession.

When I was in college, I was president of a Christian Sorority. Every member had to memorize our verse which is, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Provbers 31:30) I use that verse all the time to remember that how I look doesn't even matter. As I get older, the looks of my youth are bound to fade away, so I must anchor myself elsewhere. One of my favorite Bible verses is Ecc. 3:11 which states, He has made everything beautiful in its time. Beauty in God's realm is not a treatment, but a destiny. Time brings about more beauty.

At my Thursday night Bible Study, we've discussed the attributes that make a person beautiful. We listed the qualities of women that we thought were beautiful, and we found that it wasn't about their dress size or hair style. It centered around their heart. The way they treated people. Their view of life. When it comes down to it, pretty is as pretty does. Meaning that you can look pretty on the outside, but if you aren't being pretty on the inside, it's not much use. And the only person who can change us on the inside is Jesus. He makes all things beautiful in its time.

I love what the writer in Song of Solomon says in 4:7, All beautiful you are my darling, there is no flaw in you. The American King James Version says, You are all fair, my love, there is no spot in you. I adore that translation because my name, Jennifer, means "The fair one." It's a much needed reminder for me that the Lord thinks I'm beautiful. And if God says I'm beautiful, then I must be, right?


P.S. Now, Momma Internet, I don't want you to get yourself in a tizzy because 'Jenny doesn't think she's pretty, so we need to give her more affirmation.' That isn't true - although I'll never turn down a compliment!

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Thankful Thursday!!!

  • Three Day Weekends - That might be my favorite string of 3-words...well at least this week it is because I get to have a three day weekend! 
  • Launch - The Bible Study I go to on Thursday nights is so encouraging and wonderful and full of awesome people. I learn so much from it, and I'm grateful that it is part of my life.
  • Tights - I love skirts and dresses and boots, therefore when the temperature drops, tights become a regular part of my wardrobe. I know a lot of girls are not fans of hosiery, but I say embrace the stockings! They're amazing and adorable.
  • Birthday Cards - I absolutely love cards. I really wish I were better about giving them. My friend, Ray, is so gifted in that area. Regardless, I love being on the receiving end, and this week has been full of them. So fun.
  • Blogging - I'm slowly being reminded of why I love blogging. It's such a great way to get out my thoughts. Sometimes I fear that I share too much with you, Internet, but it teaches me to live transparently, which is a good thing.
What are you thankful for this week?

Wednesday, October 17, 2012


Today I turn another year older. It has been such an amazing birthday. I feel so loved and cherished. It's wonderful. I started my day with a free Starbucks drink, my fellows made me a sign for my door, and my boss made me pumpkin surprise cake (DELISH!). A couple of gals took me out to lunch, along with my birthday twin, Morgan. Momma showed up at work with homemade brownies and balloons. My friend Beth surprised me with the movie "What About Bob?" (Internet, you might remember that movie from my goals list. We're not talking about that today though because I don't want to feel like a failure, so hush it.) Plus I got all kinds of texts and wall posts. I love random texts. Oh, and I discovered the show "Duck Dynasty." If you haven't seen it yet, check it out. It's hilarious. 

All of that to say, birthdays are great because they remind me that I am blessed beyond measure. This morning I was reading my daily devotional, and it referenced Ephesians 3:20 & 21. This also happens to be the FCA verse for the year. It says, 
"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." 
The thing I love about birthdays is looking back on the last year and realizing how far I've come. It's amazing how many experiences one has in a year. During the time that I was 27, I traveled to New Orleans & Seattle, welcomed a new nephew into the world, changed jobs, celebrated 5 years of teaching the 2-year-old Sunday School class at church, participated in two 5Ks, photographed weddings and new babies, started my third year as a cheerleading coach, witnessed friends get married & engaged, rekindled old friendships, and many other little things that I don't even remember. 

And the best part of all of that, is I wouldn't have imagined most of those things on my 27th birthday. But God did. He knew every detail of every moment of the past year. And He knows every detail of every moment for the coming year. All I have to do is trust. 

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

The Great Hair Debate

Let's talk for a few minutes about my hair. You should probably have a seat because it might be longer than a few minutes. I was born with no hair. Momma used to tape bows to my head until my curls started growing in when I was a toddler. It was traumatizing.
Pointing out that I was a bald baby to my cousins at Christmas a few years ago.
My hair as a toddler - don't mind my screaming. Water terrified me.
My poor mother has thin, straight hair, so she really had no clue what to do with my thick, curly hair. She used to brush it. It traumatized me. I used to cry because it hurt so much. My brothers still tease me about how much I hated getting my hair brushed growing up. They don't understand. Curls are not meant to be brushed. So when I was in fourth grade, Momma had my hair chopped off. It was traumatizing. (Do you see a pattern?) I can't even show you pictures because it looked terrible.
My go-to hair style. Long, curly, bangs.
When I was in junior high, I started figuring out that I had curly hair. It was a bit revolutionary for me. My hair was not in fact a huge mess of red frizz. I started reading everything I could about hair care, and began learning how to fix it. (Don't get me wrong, I still had terrible hair in junior high and high school.)
My senior photo - before the days of flat irons. I used to straighten my hair with a curling iron. That's talent.
In college I came to really understand my hair. 
My hair in its most natural state. (Don't mind Lenzi, there's no telling what we were up to.)
I was known as the girl with the long, curly, red hair. When people met me, there first question was almost always, "Is that your natural hair?" Which really if you think about it, is kind of a tactless question. What if it was a wig? I kept it down to my waist for most of the college years. I would cut 4 or 5 inches off every now and then, which was a big change for me, but it still remained long.

My friend Jess and I getting ready for a wedding.
Right after college, I cut my hair to shoulder length. I got bangs. It was new and different and exciting, but soon I missed my long hair. I missed having people at Wal-mart tell me how amazing my long hair was. I missed being able to braid it. I missed not having to fix my bangs every single day. So I let it grow again.
My friend Bryce convinced me to eat Wasabi straight up.
Two years ago was the last time I got it chopped off. I donated 14 inches to Locks of Love. I had "grown-up hair".
Looking very grown up with my short hair.
It was so free feeling. My head was so light. I could nod and shake my head without getting a headache, but I still missed having long hair, so I let it grow. Since then I have cut many inches off, but I haven't gone back to short hair. I just don't feel like its me.

This is what it looks like straight. In case you were wondering.
But now I'm going through the hair debate again. Do I want it long? Do I want it short? On Saturday night, I cut 7 inches off my friend Raylene's hair. (No, I'm not a hair stylist - just over confident in my hair styling abilities.) And her hair looks so cute now. It has so much body and life, which makes me think I should cut mine.
After my last hair appointment. The tired eyes are the result of not wearing make-up.
But then I remember all of the traumatizing that I experienced as a child, and I just want to keep my hair. I have so much fun fixing it....but it takes forever. So that is my quandary. I don't know what to do.

Raylene on the left before her haircut. Me on the right with long hair. And Laina in the middle being amazing. :)
 Maybe I'll just flip a coin.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

The List

Tonight I realized how blessed I am. I realize that a lot, but tonight I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by some amazing people. They all came together to celebrate my 28th birthday with me. (Internet, please note that I do not actually turn 28 until Wednesday. I have 3 more days of being 27, and I plan to make the most of them.) At then end of the night, the conversation turned to blogging, and through the course of that conversation I promised Raylene, Scott, Jeremy & Laina that I would blog tonight. They were practically begging - with Scott at the helm. :) Through that, I promised to blog "The List" just for Laina.

What is "The List?" Well, Internet, I'm glad you asked. It is simply the list of things you want in a future mate. I really don't know how the conversation came up, but there was a lot of discussion at the end of the night about Scott & Jeremy not having "The List" back in the days when they were single (and they both have amazing wives, by the way) and Laina not having a list. Raylene was the only one who did have a list....well minus me, but we're getting to that.

I debated for a minute about posting about singleness again since I feel like I write about it a lot. The truth is, being single is a big part of my life. As Raylene put it, it's almost part of my ministry right now. I firmly believe God doesn't take us through something for no reason. If He is taking me through it, then I want to give Him glory during it. So I'm giving Him the glory for my singleness. I am so thankful for it. Since I am single, I have to depend on Him, and only Him. I also have time to dedicate to family and friends that I wouldn't have if I were married. Is singleness a walk in the park? No. Do I pray daily that it is the season will end soon? Yes. I have to actively remind myself that God is in control, and He withholds no good things. Which is why I "Blingle" - meaning to blog about being single - coined by Jeremy. (Copyright pending.)

That brings us to tonight's post. I dug through my old journals to make sure I had my story straight. Luckily, I record my life in my journal, so I can tell you that on July 29th, 2008 I had a conversation with my grandpa. In it he encouraged me to write a short list of qualities I wanted in a man and begin praying over it. Later that same day, I had a conversation with Momma. She told me basically the same thing. I thought that if two people in my life told me the exact same bit of wisdom without knowing that the other had said it, I should probably follow it. So I sat down that evening with my journal and created this list.

You should know that I am very much against writing down the qualities that would make a perfect husband and expecting God to deliver simply because you made a list. My husband will be a human being just like me. Which means that he will have faults just like me. He will have weakness just like me. And he will not be perfect....unlike me. :) Seriously though. I don't want you all to think that this is about defining the perfect person. I believe it's about praying through God's will in your life. I could write all day about wanting a man to bring me flowers or clean out my car, but those are not the things I'm talking about here.

So my list is fairly simple....

1. A man after God's heart - Currently my friend Lenzi and I are reading a book about singleness together. In it the author says to pray for a man that doesn't want to break God's heart because then he won't want to break yours. A foundation in Christ is incredibly important to me. It's so much more than church attendance and tithing - which are imperative - it's about the relationship with Christ. I could almost end the list there, but I didn't.

2.  A man with a vision - This one is based on Proverbs 29:18 "Where there is no vision, the people perish." I don't want to be the one directing a man's life. I want him to already have a clear vision from the Lord, and I pray our visions will meld together.

3. A man who will lead me - I need someone who is responsible and strong. Based on Ephesians 5, I believe that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands. I have a strong personality. I'm loud and outgoing. I can easily take on the leadership role, so it is imperative that I marry someone I respect, which for me is a man who has a strong sense of commitment and structure.

4. A man of integrity - This one is fairly black and white, but it is something that is so rare. I pray that God brings me a man who I can depend on to do the right thing.

5. A man who desires a family - If you were to ask me what my calling in life is, I might talk to you about my job in education, but the truth is, I feel called to be a mom Therefore, I pray for a husband who wants a children. Additionally I would love to be a stay-at-home mom someday, and I hope my future husband desires the same for our family.

6. A man who laughs - Psalm 126:2 is one of my very favorite Bible verses. It says, "Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with shouts of joy, then they said among the nations, 'The Lord has done great things for them, and they are filled with joy!" I long for a home that could be described with this verse. One full of laughter and fun. I desire a husband who laughs at my silly antics and ridiculous stories. Someone who understands the jokes I add to text messages and thinks the crazy ideas I come up with are charming.

7. A man who can take care of things - Okay, I know I have been tremendously spoiled by a dad who does a lot for me. I realize that most men are not as mechanically inclined as my father, and I am perfectly fine with that, but I still need a man who can take care of a house...and a car...and a dog. For instance, today I broke my garage door. Well, it wasn't really broken, the power went out, and I thought I could figure out how to open it, but I couldn't. When the power came back on, my garage door wouldn't open because I had pulled the little rope. Thankfully, Dad was able to trouble shoot with me over the phone, and I was able to escape the house, but those are the type of things I need a husband for.

And that's it, Internet. That's "The List." There are a lot of little things I could add, but none of those things are needs. If you want to hear about them, you should re-visit this video that I made with my friend Holly. Who by the way is now married, and I have no doubt he scores well above 100 on her list.

Monday, October 08, 2012

My Sophomore Girls

August was crazy for me this year. I had 6 girls staying at my house for a little over 3 weeks. It was back to school time. I started a different job. And it was hot. So when the youth pastor at my church sent out the e-mail asking for small group leaders, it got pushed to the bottom of the pile, and I never answered him. Then September came around, and I got a text message from one of the girls that was in my Bible Study last year. She asked me to be their leader again. I said yes, which brings us to the pumpkins.

Last week we walked to the Farmer's Market.
They each came home with a pumpkin, and I came home with sweet potatoes, acorn squash, apples, zucchini, yellow squash and a few tomatoes...but that's another story...which includes cobbler, stew & deliciousness.
When we got home, we got started on the mission of transforming the pumpkins from simple gourds into master pieces. I have a talented bunch of sophomores.
My first experience with these girls was three years ago when they invaded my house for Epic Weekend. I hosted their grade level, and that is when I learned just how crazy a gaggle of girls can get. We stayed up way too late, ate a million chocolate chip cookies, and made 3D cube pancakes. 
(One of these days I'll get around to blogging about how to make 3D pancakes - then again, I can't give away all my secrets, Internet!)
After I fell in love with them during Epic weekend, I started hosting their small group. Now they are my sophomore girls. It's weird to think that I used to call them my middle school girls. They have definitely changed, yet they are so much the same.
I almost didn't say yes when I got the text at the beginning of September because I'm trying to learn how to slow down and not spread myself so thin. I'm so glad that I did though because they are a blessing to me in so many ways. We have so much fun together drinking coffee, laughing about boys, and painting pumpkins. 
The evening after they left my house, a friend of mine came over for dinner. I profusely apologized for the mess in my dining room explaining that only a couple of hours earlier there were a bunch of girls sprinkling glitter and dipping brushes and figuring out which bottle of glue wasn't dried up yet. She forgave the mess, and said something that has stuck with me.
She said, "I wonder how different my high school experience would've been if there had been a group of girls that I could paint pumpkins and walk to the farmer's market with." It made me realize that my girls aren't looking for an amazing Bible Study with lots of insight and delicious snacks. They just need a place to belong. A place where they can talk about the ridiculous things that happen in high school and no one will think they're crazy.
The truth is that they are crazy, but then again, so is their leader. It works for us. 

Wednesday, October 03, 2012


I'm not exactly sure how it got started. I think it happened when I moved back after college. I lived at home, so Momma and I starting eating at Chipotle on Wednesday nights. She didn't want to play favorites, so she invited my brothers as well. I don't think they had wives at this point.

 It wasn't weekly at first. I don't even think it was always on Wednesday either, but it didn't take long before the family going to Chipotle every now and then became a weekly thing, which then became a Wednesday thing, which then became Chipotle Wednesday, which then became Family Dinner Wednesday. Make sense?

For nearly 5 years now, my family has gotten together for weekly family dinners. We no longer go to Chipotle every week. Usually we eat at my house so the boys can play. Two little boys and restaurants don't go hand in hand.

When I say family dinner, I don't want you to envision a Thanksgiving spread. It definitely isn't fancy. Usually Momma just picks something up on her way. We use the paper plates in my pantry. Grandma and Grandpa bring over a few drinks. If we're lucky, I'll make some sort of dessert.

You see, family dinner isn't about the food, or where we are, or what we're doing. 
It's about the time we're spending together. Making memories. Watching two little boys grow up and run cars through play doh. Listening to each other talk about our weeks and experiences. Making a mess of my kitchen and living room. 

I was talking to a lady the other day and she said, "Who really eats dinner around a table anymore? There's no time." But the truth is, there is time. In fact, there is plenty of time, but it has to be a conscious choice of choosing family over activities. And with nephews this cute it isn't difficult to do

I pray that you have a family to eat dinner with. If eating together isn't a tradition in your family, I encourage you to start. I promise you it'll become the highlight of your week. (Well, unless your family is crazy, then I can't guarantee anything.) (Then again, my family is a bit crazy, and I still love it, so it's worth trying.)

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

Online Dating

Most of you know that I am single. There are some days that I kind of enjoy being single. I like the fact that I can eat cereal for dinner. I love sleeping across my entire bed. I can flirt with whomever I want. (Confession, Internet, I don't flirt. Honestly, I am terrible at it. You should ask my friend Lenzi. She could tell you some hilarious stories about my inability to bat my eyelashes. Maybe I'll let her do a guest post one day.) Regardless, being single is not all it's cracked up to be, so there are times that I get the urge to date via ... wait for it ... the internet.

For those of you who went from the cradle to the altar, you may not understand online dating. There are basically three levels. Level one includes the free sites such as This is for people who want to dip their toes in the online relationship world, but aren't ready to take it seriously. I like to call it online browsing. Level two is for those who are single and ready to mingle. If the free sites are like an over grown middle school, then is like freshmen year at college. Everyone is new and exciting and the world is full of possibility. Then things take a 90 degree turn toward serious. That's Level Three. People who are in need of a soul mate & will spend three hours answering a million questions in order to get one ... eHarmony anyone?

I have participated in all three levels, and I have to tell you how much disdain I have for all of them. I do not enjoy online dating. I hate writing a profile. I abhor reading random messages from skeevy guys. Yet somehow I continually find myself on these sites. It usually happens during a bout of insomnia & after watching something along the lines of The Wedding Planner or You've Got Mail. Even though I know better, I find myself thinking that maybe this time will be different. It's not.

The real reason I online date is for entertainment. I don't take it seriously. Maybe if I did, it would actually work. Online dating is my escape from reality. Some people follow the Kardashians; I follow my love life into the vortex of the world wide web. All of that to say, here are 10 ways to guarantee that you have no chance with me online. (Disclaimer: This is not a conclusive list, nor is it in any particular order.)
1. Send me a message that is less than 5 words long.
2. Don't use punctuation.
3. Don't capitalize your own name.
4. Use the wrong form of "your" in the following sentence: "Your so beautiful."
5. Make your profile pic one that you took of yourself. In a mirror. With your shirt off. For an added bonus, don't clean the mirror.
6. Be old enough to be my father.
7. Start your message with, "I've always had a thing for redheads."
8. Send me this message: "I need a book on how I can take you out ? do you have one of those miss Liberian" Yes, this is a real message that I have received.
9. List your employment as, "I'll explain later."
10. Only post photos of yourself with other girls.

Here's to hoping that I meet my husband the old fashioned way! Seriously.