When I was in junior high, I had two best friends, Katie and Natalie. The three of us grew up in church together. Natalie and I are cousins, and Katie was like our adopted family member. The three of us were together all the time. Sometimes we would have sleep overs and stay up until 3 am talking about boys and playing Truth or Dare. Other times, once we were older, we would all pile into the front bench seat of my 1988 Buick LeSabre, roll down the windows, and drive around town with nothing better to do.
Every now and then, though, Natalie and Katie would get together with out me. I would find out the next day at church when they would show up in matching red skirts, and I would completely clash in my pink skirt. They would have all kinds of new inside jokes from the past 12 hours that were hilarious to them and left me clueless. In Sunday School they would gush over what they did the night before, while I sat there gushing over the fact that I had been forgotten.
Forgotten, out of mind, ignored, left behind: I still feel these things. Granted, it has nothing to do with my 2 best friends showing up at church in matching outfits while I miss out on all the fun. No, instead it usually has to do with being single. I see all of my dating friends and think: What about me, God? Did you forget me? I watch my friends with their adorable babies and ask: Will I ever know what that's like? Will anyone ever call me Mom? I watch as friend after friend walks down the aisle to the man of her dreams and wonder: Will anyone ever choose me or will I just continue to be overlooked, disregarded, forgotten?
Singleness can be a lonely road, but I'm not writing this post to gather your pity or sympathy. I'm writing it to remind myself that God has a plan. (And because Raylene told me to write it.) He knows over 3 billion guys and can hand pick one just for me. He has only good things intended for my life. God is God and there is nothing that He cannot do. I know these things. I believe this things. I have faith in the Lord. But, I can't sit here and tell myself that He has a husband waiting for me. I don't know that. You don't know that. Only God knows that. Sure, odds are pretty good that I will end up married someday, but nothing is for certain. Regardless, God has a plan. A good plan. A plan that is perfect for me.
Right now I feel like the Isrealites while they were wandering the desert. I'm sure there were many among the group that thought God had forgotten them. They were ready to stop wandering and head right back into the slavery of Egypt, but they didn't. They followed God through sandy dunes, and around Jericho a few times, and up to the borders of the promised land. They didn't stop looking, they didn't settle for pseudo Promised Lands, they didn't join an internet site that guaranteed they'd be in the Promised Land within 30 days. They trusted in God, and walked by faith. He was there in their midst doing the best thing for them.
I know I haven't been forgotten. It's like Kari Jobe sings:
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will not forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are
God is for me. He loves me. He is the author of my story, and not a single word will be forgotten.