The part of singleness no one tells you about....

There are times in my life that I absolutely love being single. I have an entire list in my journal of reasons why I love singleness. They include....

"Being able to sleep however I want."
"Eating cereal for dinner and not worrying about making someone else's meal."
"Getting to choose the radio station, TV channel, and things of that sort."
"Naming my own pets."
"No real reason to shave my legs."
"Being able to use all the closets in the house."
"No one hears me talking in my sleep, so they can't use what I say against me."
"Making my own decisions."

That last one seems like a good thing, but sometimes I realize it makes life really hard. I love being able to choose my own paint colors or social events, but when it comes to life decisions, it's not so fun. Big decisions like buying a house, getting another degree, changing jobs, etc, are really tough in their own right, but I add a degree of complexity to it with my singleness.

Sure, I can go out and buy a house, but what if I meet the man of my dreams next month and he owns a house? I could easily go get my doctorate, but why would I incur thousands of dollars of debt, if I'm going to get married in the next few years and want to stay home with kids? It's a whole different take on "what if?" It's more concrete than just worrying about things that could possible happen because odds are, if you are single, you will get married, but that "when" question is always lingering.

It could be tomorrow. It could be next year. It could be never. So do I just continue making life decisions with no regards to my future family, or do I let it paralyze me from living life now?  I know there must be a balance, but what is it?

I know it all comes down to trusting God's timing. I'm extremely grateful that I get to learn this lesson through singleness, but that doesn't make it an easy lesson to learn. I have to trust that God knows who, when, and where. I have to live my life today. It's amazing when you think about it that our days are cut into 24 hours. It just shows that God gives us exactly what we can handle. It's His design. I don't have to know about tomorrow. I've been given today.

So my decisions need not be my own. They are made by taking steps based on prayer, wisdom, and counsel. It doesn't make it any easier, but it does bring comfort.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5

You know, it's funny. So many times, I try to blog a rant that I'm having in my head, and then I get to writing about it, and it turns into a personal Come to Jesus Moment. I honestly expected to sit here and tell you about the perils of being single, but my fingers had different plans. Yesterday, I planned to tell you about gaining weight, but I took a totally different path once I got to writing. I love that about my blog, you never know where it's going to go.

:j

Weight Loss Episode 16

It's been a month since I wrote a weight loss post. Tonight I finally went back to the scale, and yes, I've gained a little --- 2.4 pounds to be exact. Which honestly is not that much weight. I easily could have gained a dozen pounds, and I think the only thing that kept me from that was my dedication to the gym.

Regardless, when trying to lose weight, the last thing you want to do is gain weight. It's moments like these that I have to remind myself that it's just a number. Sure, it's a little indication of my health. No, it's not good on my heart and joints. Yes, I would like to weigh less. In the end though, it's a number.

I'm reminded of a quote from my very favorite book, The Little Prince.

Grown-ups like numbers. When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. They never ask: "What does his voice sound like?" "What games does he like best?" "Does he collect butterflies?". They ask: "How old is he?" "How many brothers does he have?" "How much does he weigh?" "How much money does his father make?" Only then do they think they know him. 

We do like numbers. In the last 2 days alone, I've been asked 9 times how much weight I've lost. Which doesn't bother me in the least, but it does make me wonder what they thought of me before the weight loss. Did they think I was ugly? Do they think I still have a lot of weight to lose? What will they say if I'm not able to keep the weight off? Don't get me wrong. I know the people asking were simply curious, but if I place my value in their hands, I'm going to come up short.

I've lost 64 pounds overall. My Easter dress this year was 4 full sizes smaller than the one I wore 2 years ago. My waist is 8 inches smaller. All of these are simply numbers, ones that I'm quite proud of, but what I don't talk about are the other things I've lost. I've lost feeling sorry for myself because I was the bigger girl. I've lost hiding behind my weight because it's easier. I've lost my disdain for trying on new clothing. And most of all, I've lost placing my value into the hands of others. I'm still working on shedding some of this excess, but I'm learning slowly.

So here we are. I know this isn't an easy post to read. It requires me to be very vulnerable and hits a little too close to home. I really don't want to write it, but I think it's important because our value comes from God, and not from a number on the scale, a number on a tag, a number on a paycheck, a number on driver's license or a number on a grade card. 1 Corinthians 6:20 says, "You were bought with a price, therefore honor God with your bodies."

When I take the time to step away from the scale and think about my value in Christ, I realize that I want to become healthier because it honors my creator. I want to be able to serve Him until I'm double and triple the age of those around me. I want to be healthy enough to do whatever He calls me to do. I don't want my ministry weakened because of my fitness. In the verse above, Paul is specifically talking about sexual sin, but I think it applies to all areas of the body.

I could weigh 450 pounds and eat nothing but greasy, fried food all day long, and God would love me just the same as when I am at a healthy weight and working out everyday. My value in His eyes would not change, so we honor God with our bodies because He values us, not to make Him value us. You don't buy a $40,000 sports car just to let it sit in the yard and rust. You take care of it. Clean it. Maintain it. God put value in me by buying me with a price, therefore I'm going to honor Him with all I have, including my body.

It's not about the number I see on the scale, it's about continuing to get healthy, so I can serve Him better. Sometimes when I gain, I just have to take a step back to remember why I'm doing all of this in the first place, so thanks for listening as I walk through that process.

:j

Ben + Cassi

Yesterday, I was extremely blessed to photograph my dear friends' wedding. I've been friends with Ben for nearly 5 years thanks to Raylene & Scott. We've gone on many road trips and gotten in many arguments over board games. (I hate so much to admit this, but usually, he was the right one.) Cassi and I connected in high school. She was in my squad in marching band, and we re-connected a little over 2 years ago through church. In the mean time, we've all been friends spending many nights eating dinner at my house, playing a ton of volleyball, and of course, more board games. Last summer, Ben decided to take his friendship with Cassi to another level. Yesterday, they made the ultimate commitment, and I got to photograph the entire thing.

First, let's talk about Cassi's dress. Her sister made the whole thing! The lace came from her grandma's dress. She also made all 6 bridesmaids dresses. So much talent!

Let's talk about the ring. One day in September, my friend Raylene and I were babysitting together. Afterward, we were at lunch when Ben called her, and said we could go see the ring he was thinking about buying Cassi. Ray and I can't say no when it comes to anything dealing with weddings, so we hopped in the car to go meet them. It was such a fun day, and we could tell that Ben was head over heels for Cassi at that point. 

This photo was taken while ring shopping. Scott is standing in for Cassi, so Ben can practice.

 Cassi picked out the wrap to go around the three stone ring Ben picked, and I absolutely love it. It's so unique and classic.

Hands down my favorite part of photographing the wedding day is getting to witness the first look. It's such a wonderful and real moment for the bride and groom. 

The bridal party was fantastic. They put up with me taking them out in chilly weather just to have some natural-light photos. The boys moved benches for me. The girls didn't complain too much about the wind. The bride and groom even trekked over to some train tracks for me. It was great.

A great thing about photographing friends weddings is you get to spend time with friends all day. And yesterday was extra-awesome because Bryce came in from Hawaii to stand by Ben. These two have been friends for ages, and they can make me laugh like no one else. Aren't they so handsome? 

Plus I get to spend the entire day with my fabulous second-shooter, Cherish, who happens to be Bryce's sister. One day I'll blog about how Cherish and I connected because it's a pretty good story. We've been through so many weddings together, and now she's getting married in September.

A few more of my favorite shots from the day...

 

Cherish had a cool vantage point for the communion. I wish I had room to show you all of her shots.

I am so thankful that I got to be part of this day. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the flowers, and the dresses, and the location. We forget that a wedding day is so much more than that. It's the start of a new family. It's a huge commitment to love and living life together, and I'm so lucky that I get to photograph that. 

Here's the video montage if you want to see more photos:

:j