Tuesday, April 02, 2013

The part of singleness no one tells you about....

There are times in my life that I absolutely love being single. I have an entire list in my journal of reasons why I love singleness. They include....

"Being able to sleep however I want."
"Eating cereal for dinner and not worrying about making someone else's meal."
"Getting to choose the radio station, TV channel, and things of that sort."
"Naming my own pets."
"No real reason to shave my legs."
"Being able to use all the closets in the house."
"No one hears me talking in my sleep, so they can't use what I say against me."
"Making my own decisions."

That last one seems like a good thing, but sometimes I realize it makes life really hard. I love being able to choose my own paint colors or social events, but when it comes to life decisions, it's not so fun. Big decisions like buying a house, getting another degree, changing jobs, etc, are really tough in their own right, but I add a degree of complexity to it with my singleness.

Sure, I can go out and buy a house, but what if I meet the man of my dreams next month and he owns a house? I could easily go get my doctorate, but why would I incur thousands of dollars of debt, if I'm going to get married in the next few years and want to stay home with kids? It's a whole different take on "what if?" It's more concrete than just worrying about things that could possible happen because odds are, if you are single, you will get married, but that "when" question is always lingering.

It could be tomorrow. It could be next year. It could be never. So do I just continue making life decisions with no regards to my future family, or do I let it paralyze me from living life now?  I know there must be a balance, but what is it?

I know it all comes down to trusting God's timing. I'm extremely grateful that I get to learn this lesson through singleness, but that doesn't make it an easy lesson to learn. I have to trust that God knows who, when, and where. I have to live my life today. It's amazing when you think about it that our days are cut into 24 hours. It just shows that God gives us exactly what we can handle. It's His design. I don't have to know about tomorrow. I've been given today.

So my decisions need not be my own. They are made by taking steps based on prayer, wisdom, and counsel. It doesn't make it any easier, but it does bring comfort.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5

You know, it's funny. So many times, I try to blog a rant that I'm having in my head, and then I get to writing about it, and it turns into a personal Come to Jesus Moment. I honestly expected to sit here and tell you about the perils of being single, but my fingers had different plans. Yesterday, I planned to tell you about gaining weight, but I took a totally different path once I got to writing. I love that about my blog, you never know where it's going to go.

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