Regardless, when trying to lose weight, the last thing you want to do is gain weight. It's moments like these that I have to remind myself that it's just a number. Sure, it's a little indication of my health. No, it's not good on my heart and joints. Yes, I would like to weigh less. In the end though, it's a number.
I'm reminded of a quote from my very favorite book, The Little Prince.
Grown-ups like numbers. When you tell them about a new friend, they never ask questions about what really matters. They never ask: "What does his voice sound like?" "What games does he like best?" "Does he collect butterflies?". They ask: "How old is he?" "How many brothers does he have?" "How much does he weigh?" "How much money does his father make?" Only then do they think they know him.We do like numbers. In the last 2 days alone, I've been asked 9 times how much weight I've lost. Which doesn't bother me in the least, but it does make me wonder what they thought of me before the weight loss. Did they think I was ugly? Do they think I still have a lot of weight to lose? What will they say if I'm not able to keep the weight off? Don't get me wrong. I know the people asking were simply curious, but if I place my value in their hands, I'm going to come up short.
I've lost 64 pounds overall. My Easter dress this year was 4 full sizes smaller than the one I wore 2 years ago. My waist is 8 inches smaller. All of these are simply numbers, ones that I'm quite proud of, but what I don't talk about are the other things I've lost. I've lost feeling sorry for myself because I was the bigger girl. I've lost hiding behind my weight because it's easier. I've lost my disdain for trying on new clothing. And most of all, I've lost placing my value into the hands of others. I'm still working on shedding some of this excess, but I'm learning slowly.
So here we are. I know this isn't an easy post to read. It requires me to be very vulnerable and hits a little too close to home. I really don't want to write it, but I think it's important because our value comes from God, and not from a number on the scale, a number on a tag, a number on a paycheck, a number on driver's license or a number on a grade card. 1 Corinthians 6:20 says, "You were bought with a price, therefore honor God with your bodies."
When I take the time to step away from the scale and think about my value in Christ, I realize that I want to become healthier because it honors my creator. I want to be able to serve Him until I'm double and triple the age of those around me. I want to be healthy enough to do whatever He calls me to do. I don't want my ministry weakened because of my fitness. In the verse above, Paul is specifically talking about sexual sin, but I think it applies to all areas of the body.
I could weigh 450 pounds and eat nothing but greasy, fried food all day long, and God would love me just the same as when I am at a healthy weight and working out everyday. My value in His eyes would not change, so we honor God with our bodies because He values us, not to make Him value us. You don't buy a $40,000 sports car just to let it sit in the yard and rust. You take care of it. Clean it. Maintain it. God put value in me by buying me with a price, therefore I'm going to honor Him with all I have, including my body.
It's not about the number I see on the scale, it's about continuing to get healthy, so I can serve Him better. Sometimes when I gain, I just have to take a step back to remember why I'm doing all of this in the first place, so thanks for listening as I walk through that process.